The feeling was unbearable. I felt drained from life. There was this sensation of nothing. My mind was blank and this was not something that normal would happen. I am vibrant and usually in a positive mood. Time was not my friend and it was racing and moving at a snail’s pace all at the same time, if that is even possible. What was happening to me? I looked in the mirror and did not recognize myself. It was me but it wasn’t. So many confusing and non-descript terms were flowing in that brain of mine.
I had been chugging along as normal and then things started to happen and I could not even see them occurring. I started to feel sick, more like, hey I am getting the flu. It was starting to wear me down and my body was in the shutdown mode. It did not want to do life, but I was breathing and continuing on. My anger level was increasing and my patience was decreasing. Things were starting to bother me and this was not me.
What was occurring? I did not know and I was not having it anymore. I wanted it to quit but weeks have passed and it still continues. I feel rundown more and more each day. My life has changed from colorful to brown. A dark deep brown and it was not even something to look at to decipher what color is that.
Work was continuing and then I realized, there was a mask on my face. The mask shielded my feelings from everyone. Not only work but to some extent my home life and friends were picking up on it but not sure what it was. I had taken on more projects and was continuing to be productive but the flare was missing. The energetic, punctual, and positive attitude was gone and replaced by this and it was starting to show. I tried to hide it even more or was I even hiding it? I am not sure, as I was not so sure what was actually going on.
At some point, I realized it when I was looking in the mirror that there was something there. It was unseen to others or maybe it wasn’t, but I wore a cloak. The cloak was covering me and causing me these problems and I wanted to remove it but I couldn’t. It was wrapped so tight around me that it was strangling the life right out of me. I tried to remove it upon numerous occasions but was only able to loosen the grip. It was of the brown color and it had a hold of me and was not going to let go.
I decided it was time to change and I wanted the change to end now. It had held onto me for too long and it was time to finish this and move on. I looked in the mirror and I exclaimed, “Remove yourself!” The cloak did not hear me as I was feeling that drain even more. It was seemingly useless and now it seems to grasp even tighter.
Don’t worry though, I have a better handle of the cloak as I know what its true purpose is. It is teaching me that things as well as they can be, also can be this way. So I will shed my cloak someday but not seemingly right now as I am learning from it. So when I do shed my cloak, I will have been through the journey. I have named my cloak Depression and I will live through it.